November 24, 2012
Let me begin this post by admitting that I’m 42 and single. For years, my friends have tried to talk me into finding a man online. Until recently, I have refused.
Last month, on a whim, I used this photo and put myself on a dating site. I figured if anyone contacted me, I’d end up with a man with an excellent sense of humor, or I’d end up with nobody at all.
I also added a couple of ‘normal’ photos so people would see that I was just being silly. (See below)
It worked. Within less than a week, I had over 500 men view my profile. I was getting comments, winks, and flirts on a very regular basis. Considering the fact that I wasn’t seriously looking for a man, it was kind of fun to read their profiles and giggle.
After exchanging instant chats with two or three of them, one gentleman stood out to me. We exchanged email addresses, and the correspondence began. He was from Denver, and was an electrical engineer. He was raised in Europe, and went to college in Australia. He had an adult daughter who talked him into trying the dating site. He was taller than me, nice looking, a bit older, and appeared to be very successful.
The first thing I noticed in his email was that his spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure were appalling. I wondered what kind of education he could possibly have gotten to become an engineer, yet not write one completely correct sentence in a lengthy email. Red flag #1.
Within a week, he told me that he was convinced that I was the girl for him. He was in love. He said he believes in love at first sight, and fell for me when he saw my ‘beautiful’ profile photo. I, however, do NOT believe in love at first sight. I believe there is lust at first sight. Affection or interest can be pretty quickly attained. Love, on the other hand, takes time to develop. Love is desiring someone else’s greater good over your own. In one week of emails, there is no way on earth that this guy cared more about my good than his own, and I knew it. Red flag #2.
From that point on, his emails became more and more amorous. He would describe in detail the life he’d like to have with me some day. He would tell me that I’m his best friend. He quoted scripture frequently, and brought God into the conversation on a regular basis. He told me he not only owns a house in London, but also has one in Paris. His emails were wildly romantic, and in some aspects, he seemed too good to be true. Red flag #3. (Things that SEEM too good to be true, usually ARE!)
After about two weeks, he said he had to go to Spain to work on rebuilding the largest oil refinery in Europe. He called me one time, and it was from a Spanish phone number, I reverse looked it up. We spoke for about five minutes, and that was the whole phone call. His accent was so strong I could hardly understand him. I could hear some British and some Australian in it, but the base accent sounded VERY African to me. In my next email, I asked him if he had spent time in Africa, because that was the accent I picked up. He ignored the question and went on and on about what a wonderful life we would have together someday. Red flag #4.
I’ll skip to the end. Almost a month into this email exchange, he told me that he was bidding on another engineering job that would pay 5 million Euros. If he got it, we’d be set for life. If he didn’t get it, he would never ever be happy again for the rest of his life. What? Seriously? Losing one contract would cause him to be unhappy for the rest of his life? Lame! Red flag #5.
A couple of days later, he emailed me a semi-official looking document showing that he had been awarded the contract, but he had to come up with $10,000 US Dollars to pay all the fees, and he only had three days to come up with the money. Come on! How many companies HIRE a contractor, and make the contractor come up with $10,000 in fees to be awarded the contract? None. “You beg and borrow to get $10,000 and I’ll turn around the next day and write you a check for five million.” ??? Right!
The next day, he emailed me and said that he was only able to raise $5,500 of it, and he needed me to loan him the other $4,500. If I did, it would ‘secure my own future’. As soon as he was finished with this contract, he’d fly back to the states and we could go house shopping.
Okay, let me say it again, SERIOUSLY???? I’m a single mom. I have two teenage boys and work a very full-time job to make ends meet. I live from paycheck to paycheck as I’m trying to pay down my own debts. And this ‘yahoo’, in all earnestness, asks ME for $4,500. I had told him that I shop thrift stores and yard sales. My vehicle is 15 years old. Unless he never read what I wrote him, which is a definite possibility, he knew that I’m not some rich American woman. I, of course, wrote him back immediately saying that I was sorry, but I did not have ANY money I could loan him, let alone $4,500.
I didn’t hear another word from him for several days. I sent him a quick email saying something like, “So that’s it? This was all a scam to get money out of me? I’ll be praying for you, whoever you are.”
Three days later I got an email from him calling me evil (repeatedly) and saying that I was a wicked awful woman who was not really a Christian. He misquoted scripture saying that we are required to give to everyone who asks us. It was a shocking email. I’ve never ever been called any of the horrible things he called me in that email. I did not respond, and have not heard from him again … Praise God!
Thus ends my illustrious career of online dating. Forever. I have NO desire to go through anything like that ever again. I know some people have had great success, but I’m certainly not one of them.
I wanted to get this post up to warn any other ladies out there to watch out for turkeys like this one. I could publish his name, but I’m certain it’s not his real name. He probably has many false names, and has multiple scams running at a time, with multiple ‘rich American women’, who are wicked and evil and won’t give him money. Ugh.
So long online dating. I’m leaving you forever. I’ll go back to the old-fashioned way of meeting a man in person, liking him, getting to know him, and falling in love …. naturally. Face to face. 😀
Blessings to you all today,
~Gwen